How I love old men who flatter.

Older gentleman at the espresso bar:  "Has anyone mistaken you for a rose?"

Me:  (as I pretend I heard nothing, smile, and eventually laugh) "Huh?  Um...what are you talking about?"

O.G. @ E.B.:  (Smiles, coyly.)

Friend of O.G. @ E.B.:  "I think he's trying to say that you're pretty."

Me:  (to myself) "Well, no shit...ew."

Me:  (out loud, to them) "Awww, that's cute.  Well...thanks. (big smile!) Have a great day, guys!!"

Sure, this happens a lot when you work at a place like Starbucks.  I could write a whole fucking blog about the creeps and remotely attractive men who have tried lines such as these on me and my fellow, female co-baristas.  And to be quite honest, I don't understand why they bother.  If you are not an outlandishly good-looking dude, an innocent 70+-year-old man, or a celebrity, and you cannot shoot cannonballs of charm into my soul, then what exactly are you trying to accomplish?  All we can do is laugh, and you better be ready to receive the rejection.  At times, it's so unbearable that we must trail off to a deeply focused task and "accidentally" forget that you exist.  We may be "awful pretty," but we're getting paid to be.  That, and feed your addiction, but we know the former rakes in those tips.  Believe it. 

I guess, unless you are going to be buying me something very expensive, or there's something lurking beneath the surface that is better than Johnny Depp in boxer-briefs and red wine, combined, and touching my naked body...  Oh, there's not?  Well, just take your drink and for the love of God, save your dignity.  Because frankly, it's embarrassing me AND you.

Guys rarely have this problem, so I hear.  Completely unfair.  It is a fact that there are more beautiful women out there than there are beautiful men.  So naturally, the chance that a man will be told they are a cute by an unattractive woman are much slimmer than ours.  Please, correct me if I'm wrong.

Before I start hurting feelings, I will cut this one short.  And to be clear, this was written in a highly sarcastic fashion...in fact, never take half of the things I say seriously, for the most part.  That made no sense...that would be the wine.  I apologize.  Thank you.  Good night.